... for all to see! (BEWARE: teeth below!)





about 5 weeks to go and these suckers are OFF!

Popcorn, here I come!!!

Can't remember the last book review I did, but my last three books have been "Buddha or Bust: In Search of Truth, Meaning, Happiness, and the Man Who Found Them All" by Perry Garfinkel. A MY partner loved this book. I did not care for the author's self-centered world-tour of Buddhism. It read more like an emotional biography than a world tour of Buddhist history, which it claimed to be..However, it did offer some interesting evidence/insights on the spread of Buddhism through time and geography. Also, it reveal how the Western influence on Buddhism has sometimes re-energized and re-informed Buddhism in some Eastern countries- a counter-intuitive trend of which I had not been aware.

Second book: "Zen Wrapped in Karma Dipped in Chocolate: A Trip Through Death, Sex, Divorce, and Spiritual Celebrity in Search of the True Dharma " , Brad Warner. An American Zen Master's attempt to be boldy truthful about his life, what zen is really about, what it's NOT about, and the problems that arise when people view their 'spiritual leaders' as 'pure' and 'perfect'. A great read, and, if you're Zen Buddhism at all, it's a great slap-you-in-the-face reminder that 'practicing' zen is not always this clean perfect little thing you do for however long you're sitting zazen (this is zen meditation style). It's everything- all the time. Even the ugly stuff and the imperfect stuff. Maybe especially the imperfect stuff because you notice that more which means you are more present with it than you are with perceived 'perfection'...

Third book: OK... finally have to read this: "Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind" by Shunryu Suzuki, the father of Zen Buddhism in the U.S. Basic tenants of Zen Buddhism... written in that slap-your-head-in-utter-confusion-style that so many people associate with Zen Buddhism. What is the sound of one hand clapping? (apparently it's already the sound of clapping because the sound is already existent in the hand before the clap occurs... in case you wanted to know and be able to shoot that out at someone the next time they ask you that question...)

I'm mildly surprised with myself this morning. After months of hip pain, I finally made myself call my health insurance company this morning, researched a sports medicine provider, verified coverage (which, with my crappy plan is nil until I shell out about $2 grand, but whatever...) and scheduled an appointment to figure out what the heck is going on with my left hip.
Given my fear/distrust of doctors and my hatred of our scam-fest privatized health insurance industry, I was fairly impressed I followed through.
... guess I actually have to go to the appointment now, unless I want to be called a LIAR! : )

"We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world. " - Buddhist saying

I have a hard time with this concept. For one, I think our behaviors speak louder about us than any intention (good or bad) we may have. Also, I think we (at least, Westerners) tend to think our 'internal' world, the world of the mind, is private and we don't want our thoughts to inform others of our true selves. So, we're allowed to think what we want, but as long as we don't externalize those thoughts, we can't be judged by them. But if our thoughts inform our actions, which undoubtedly they do, then our thoughts are 'fair game' as indicators of our personality. Maybe this seems obvious to some, but I'm not sure many people act as if that were true on a day to day basis.

Also related to this quote are topics on dependent origination (e.g. inter-connectedness) and non-existence... but I tried writing that out and it got too long-winded for a journal... so I deleted it. Better for a face to face conversation... meet me someday in a coffee shop, I say...

Yeah, so last week in m 6th glassblowing class, my instructor and I spent and 50 minutes prepping a piece... and then it collapsed as I pulled it from the furnace because I took my attention away from the piece as I walked to the bench to work it. COLLAPSED! ... I was SO upset with myself, but I tried really hard not to lose it. My instructor stepped in and helped me make a 'paperweight'. So now I know paperweights are the products of royally f***ing a piece up!
: )

I keep a glassblowing journal to log my progress, so this last entry was rife with 'lessons learned', so to speak:

NEVER divert your attention from your piece when it is HOT.
ALWAYS keep your piece turning to keep it on center.
A beautiful vase collapsed makes an interesting paperweight...
... and so on.

(to be honest, I haven't had the heart to pick up my latest 'creation' from the shop. All that hard work crumpled into a ball? I'm not sure I can bear to look at it. Ah well. : )

I just need to write this out and deal with it, so pardon all the details and side notes... I'm still shaken up.

I just got back into my office from having to call 911 for an injured pedestrian hit by a car.

I had crossed Michigan Ave when I heard a "thunk!" a few lanes behind me and turned to see a man on the ground and a van stopped behind him (about 20 feet short of the crosswalk - AH, so THAT'S what those things are for? OK, okay, now is not the time...)
No one was calling 911, so I pulled my cell, ran over to the median (another person had stopped to help at that point) and said "I've got the 911 call!" Luckily the other person who came on scene was a doctor and the man was conscious and moving, although definitely hurt. The driver of the van that hit him stayed on scene as well (good for him) After waiting for 5 or 6 rings for the 911 call to go through (!), I lead with the address and the main reason for the call and was told I would be transferred to the fire Dept(!) at which point I had to repeat all my information (!). After the operator said he would send a truck, I started to ask if he needed me to stay on the line, but HE HUNG UP ON ME! (gawd, gotta love Chicago...).

It was then realized that vehicles were trying to sneak through on the left hand turn lane which would make them drive within inches of the injured pedestrian (who was laying in the middle of 3 lanes). So, I checked the traffic, stepped into the lane and held up my hand to divert traffic to the far right hand lane. What choice did I have?? I felt a war tugging at me: "Don't involve another pedestrian in an accident! (namely: myself!), but I also couldn't allow traffic to continue through and possibly hit the already injured pedestrian. We waited another 10 minutes for a truck to appear, when it did, it arrived with NO POLICE accompaniment (!). A couple minutes later, a cop shows up on a 4 wheeler and drives up to the the drivers of the van... I actually had to interrupt him to make him realize I was a citizen standing in traffic, and perhaps he could put his pretty little 4-wheeler to better use? OK, actually what I said was "UH, could I get a replacement here, please?" So, he moved his bike, excuse me, 4 wheeler over to my lane.
I said "Thank you, considered whether they needed me there any longer (A) medics on scene 2) traffic stopped and c) I did not actually witness accident happen), and then left. At that point, I would just be getting in the way.
Oh, at some point, while serving as traffic cop, I looked up at the driver and his passenger, and thought, they must be shook up. So, I asked him "Are you all right?" It took 2 times for him to realize I was asking HIM that question. "Oh, yeah. I'm just shook up. I never hit anyone before." I assured him the guy looked like he would be all right, and it was good of him to stay and make sure the guy was all right. He said "Oh, yeah, of course. I'm just shook up is all. " He'll be all right." I said again. "You did the right thing to stay."
I guess it just occurred to me, not only how easy it would be to get hit in Chicago traffic, especially if I'm off the crosswalk, but also, how easy it would be to HIT a pedestrian. And to be so shaken by that. You're not a bad person doing a bad thing. You're just a driver who didn't see the rogue pedestrian, and you hit him, and it was an accident, and you didn't mean to hurt anyone. He must have felt awful.
Is it weird that I feel for that driver as mush as I feel for the pedestrian?
Ah, my stomach is in pains right now, so think I'll do a short deep breathing meditation and calm my nerves.

You only lose what you cling to.


~ Buddhist Saying

What do you do when you work in a multi-business office location, and you're in the lunchroom and some new guy introduces himself to you, asking you questions to the point of being nosy?
Why, simply open a packet of tuna for your lunch! The offending party will back off, I promise.
This happened to me today, and the tuna packet came through for me. The guy visibly backed off two feet. It was funny. : )
But then he was asking me how to work the toaster oven. Seriously. I had to explain the dials to him four times. Four times. I should have asked him about his business. And then wished him luck that his job was easier to perform then working a toaster oven.
... and he had a wimpy handshake, too. I hate wimpy, loose handshakes. Why bother, if you don't want to shake someone's hand, don't offer yours.

How to Shake a Person's Hand:
Extend hand to other person. Look them in the eye and smile.
Grasp hand firmly, but not roughly, with thumb overlapping their hand.
Shake up and down once or twice. Three times is pushing it. Four times is on the trail to crazy town. Don't go there.
Release hand of other person.

I admit., I was never taught how to shake someone's hand. I had to learn over the years by trial and error, but the point is, I paid attention and learned by the time I was an adult. I also learned how to work a toaster oven.

So, where's my multi-million dollar bonus, darn it?! I obviously know more than the average CEO!

: )

My brace-wearing days have been extended a month - (July/August)due to a stubborn tooth that's still making my 'bite' unnatural... yeah, you read that right... I have an unnatural 'bite'!


Today's Quote:
"I cannot tell if what the world considers 'happiness' is happiness or not. All I know is that when I consider the way they go about attaining it, I see them carried away headlong, grim and obsessed, in the general onrush of the human herd, unable to stop themselves or to change their direction. All the while they claim to be just on the point of attaining happiness.... "

~ Chuang-tzu

Is there something 'off' with the fact that I found comfort in a TV show last night depicting "Life After People"? They used Chicago as an example... my office building was shown collapsing after many years of being inhabited by vines and bats and such things... see, I'm smirking right now... odd...

I walked to my train stop in Oak Park today only to find Gov Pat Quinn and about 20 cameras and reporters blocking my way! So what did I do? I squeezed past the last cameraman in line and said "Excuse me, I have to get on on the train!"

Silly politicians blocking my morning commute!

(Yes, he did get on my train, too... how lovely.. but luckily not in my 'car'... video clip below. It was about riding public transportation and the swine flu.)

http://abclocal.go.com/wls/video?id=6795135

In the garden of gentle sanity - may you be bombarded
by coconuts of wakefulness.

~Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche

: )

For other great buddhist inspirations, sign up (scroll to bottom of web page):
http://bighappybuddha.com/

Just a quick post this a.m. before I get to work:
My 5th class went much better. No burns.No major screw-ups... but I did cut myself on my piece when I went to pick it up... my instructor hadn't ground the bottom yet. Wouldn't be art without a little blood..!
This vase involved making a colored cane ( a crazy process I'll have to describe in detail later) then cutting the cane down into 4" pieces, laying them and heating them together, picking them up with a roll action on the punty iron and then forming and blowing that into said vase. Very cool.



If you look down into the class, you get a real send of the beautiful color twist the final piece has:



I think this is the first piece I've made I genuinely like, so it may be a mother's day gift. : )

I am now on a Gladwell kick. Why not? He covers fascinating topics and offers well-researched insight into widely-held beliefs that most of us have made vast assumptions about. What can I say? I like they guy's perspective.
So, I'm now reading "Tipping Point" (finally, as if everyone else in the world hasn't already read the darn book. But hey, I have to read stuff on my own terms, not by what's currently on the best-seller list. I place greater value on personal recommendations that I do on the reporting of the spent dollar. So, Beagley, know that your input is more important than the NY Times.
Anyhoo, next on my list is "Blink", which, since I got off the library reserve list at the same time as the "Tipping Point", I had better read it fast!
BTW, does anyone else who's read Gladwell's books and seen the TV show "Numbers" find a striking resemblance between the writing style of Gladwell and the speech patterns of 'Charlie Eppes' on "Numbers" similar?
... hmmm...
Also, of those people who understand what I'm talking about above, is anyone made slightly ill by the fact that David Krumholtz (the actor who plays 'Eppes') was born in 1978?!!! 78! ... I feel old...

I was perusing the clearance sale at my local Borders store when I came across two books by Vermont authors... "WHAT?! Egads, no!" I HAD to save them from such misery in an unknown land... so I bought them and saved them from the ignorant Chicagoans. Too bad I already had a copy of one book, and had bought the other book for my mother once upon a time. But I couldn't just let them sit there in the Borders' Clearance Misery section. They were sad... they were lost... I had to save them, I tell you!
The books were "Fun Home" (paperback) by Alison Bechdel and "On Kingdom Mountain" by Howard Frank Mosher. I guess the bright side is, now I have a paperback version of Bechdel's book I can read without damaging my signed hardcover (not that I normally worry about such things, but you know...) and I can send my mother another copy of the Mosher book... since she probably lent it out and lost it anyway... or lost it somewhere in the house... or forgot she has it so I can send it as a mother's day gift and she'll say "How nice! Thank you!" and she'll really mean it because she's totally forgotten ever having received it... (so mean for picking on my mom... but you have to find humor in these things, I tell you, or you just go a little nuts... or a LOT nuts... depending on your temperament.

Boss: (holding up a plastic file folder with button clasp) "See if you can fine me some more of these."

Me: "Sure. I'll see what I can find." (I check staples.com and a couple other office supply websites- no luck, but boss doesn't seem to even remember asking for them, so I tell her and she doesn't seem to care about them, so I let it go for now.

2 weeks later:

Boss: (holding up same plastic folder."See if you can fine me some of these."

Me: "Uhm, okay, I checked a few sites online, but I'll try again." (Check again, then stop into a couple stores downtown on my way into work to physically check in the stores for them thinking this will make her happy... silly me...)

Boss calls and leaves voicemail from business trip, and requests a bunch of tasks to be done immediately. I get the voicemail about 20 min. late as I am just getting in from running errand to find silly said plastic folders.

Boss: (calling me later that morning) "Going forward, I don't think it's a good use of your time to be running errands like that."

Me: "Uh, okay (thinking to myself 'But I thought you asked TWICE for that item so it did seem important to you...') "I just ran into those stores on my way into work, I didn't leave work to do it... BUT I won't do it again, if you don't want me to." (thinking to myself, 'I cannot read this woman..!')

Silly anecdotal humor for anyone who has done administrative work

Outliers
Malcolm Gladwell
After reading a journal by Beagley on this book, I became intrigued and visited my local library... and several weeks later, when my name finally came up on the reserve list, borrowed said book and read voraciously.

Gladwell is an easy-writer; the words just flow and hold your interest effortlessly- a rare skill for a non-fiction writer, I must say. No matter the topic, I was immediately hooked.

The concept of 10,000 hours of practice to become an expert is both hopeful and absolutely daunting. Let's face it, if you want to be an expert in anything, you can be (cool), but when??? (bad!) Ten years, perhaps, but only if you devote 20 hours of work per week to said interest. For those of us with normal lives, this means it will likely mean 20-40 years, which is to say, not viable in our lifetimes (at least, not with much time left to enjoy said field of expertise). I think this type of person starts as a child or teenager who has the luck of discovering what they really want to do early in life, has the support network to pursue said interest, is born into the right circumstances that would support such an interest and ... well, that's Gladwell's book in a nutshell.

I like his way of looking at thew world - don't give all the credit to individuals for being superstars- there is luck and circumstance and opportunity at play there as well. BUT, of course, you must acknowledge the sacrifice of spending the bulk of your time pursuing one activity with single-minded purpose.

I do so envy those people who know what it is they want AND go after it with everything they have. Knowing what it is you want, is, of course, a prerequisite for excelling in something you love.

.. on my 33rd birthday... er, the 4th anniversary of my 29th birthday, rather....
It was an AWFUL class, terrible really. Closed the furnace door on my gather (the glass ball at the end of the blowing iron/punty iron), hit my still molten piece on an iron stand and misshaped it, deformed a piece while adding color, and then.. it happened... as I knew it would eventually.. I burned myself. And for a stupid reason too- I grabbed the business end of a pair of 'jacks' (read metal tong-like tool) that a few minutes earlier I had watched my instructor set down and they were ON FIRE from being used on the hot glass (I remind you here, that these 'jacks' are made of metal... and they were ON FIRE!)... so, I am an idiot... my brain knew it, too, but for some reason my hand didn't get the message in time and dropped to the hot end of the tool. I immediately dunked my hand in a bucket of water that the wooden shaping blocks are kept in... and with my other hand grabbed the torch that my instructor pointed to for me to melt the bottom of the finished glass... so, my left hand was burning in a bucket of water (dirty water, I might add, too) and my right hand was using a blow torch on my finished piece...(fire and water and an idiot in the middle)... multi-tasking the glassmaker way... I had to laugh at myself.

FYI- the burn was actually not too bad. I don't think the scars will be that visible and it's already healed enough for my next class..!

My first 'glasses' below. The lighter, more crooked one is the one I made mostly by myself, and the one I burned my hand in the process of making...





and 'my' glass - my first piece mostly made alone... as if you couldn't tell... : ) I was going for a 'seaweed' look...




After class, (and after applying some burn cream and a wrap of clean paper towels as means of temporary bandage on the offended extremity) my instructor offered me a 'birthday' glass of red wine from an open bottle which a business neighbor had dropped off as a gift (it was a 'nice' wine, too!). I gratefully accepted, and, halfway through my glass, as as we laughed at my futile efforts that evening, I suddenly got a cramp and realized.. uh, well.. I had 'started' (men, turn to a woman next to you if you don't understand). I gulped the last half of my glass, gingerly crammed my hand into my coat sleave, and said "UH, thanks. Gotta run!" and run I did- all the way home like a little burnt drunk piggy... okay, well not quite like that... I mean, I wasn't DRUNK but you know...
Three days later, I returned to the shop to pick up my piece. My instructor was there, and I looked at him and smiled and we laughed again about my 'bad class' I said I had had a bad day before that class, and I forgot to leave it at the door; I brought it into the shop with me and was not focused and that's why everything happened. He smiled and excitedly asked me to repeat what I had said to another of his students in the shop. "See? See!" Ah, yes, so grateful I can be an example of what NOT to do in class; how HELPFUL I feel now! Then I laughed again and explained to him I had left so quickly after the wine because I had stomach pains (well, close enough... we women realize men can get queasy about such topics so we modify that explanation sometimes..) He roared, "THAT'S why you left so quickly! I thought you finished that wine awfully fast!"
Ah, such fun in the world of molten lava art!

... to call myself human.

Please visit this website and tell China not to execute two Tibetans:

http://actionnetwork.org/campaign/stoptheexecutions/8niwx362q7k77x5d?

Or, if you are not inclined, you can read and educate yourself more on the Tibetan struggle.

My 3rd Glassblowing class:



view from top:



I am enjoying this new hobby. (smile)

...did I mention I get to play with 2,000 degrees of molten lava glass?!!! so much fun...

I went to my second glass blowing class last week.
My first vase:



...a pretty heft piece (no amount of wind will blow this puppy over!), but I guess delicacy in craftsmanship will come later.